We had been going out for eight years and was considering marriage, when out of an argument she completely loses it and starts acting weird for a few weeks. I start doing some investigating and one day I find her late at night in the home of another man. I immediately text her that it’s over and now her friends and family tell me that it was wrong of me to break up with her. She tells me nothing happened between them two but she just confides in him as a friend. The problem is she was keeping her “so-called” friend a secret from me. As weeks go by, her friends and family members tell me that the only reason I broke up with her is because I didn’t lover her enough, because if I would have TRULY loved her I would fully trust her and forgive quickly. Are you kidding me? Although I know I will not accept her back and am quite content being single the question has come up. How is it that other men are willing to forgive their women for such acts? But even more intriguing; how come it never crossed my mind to give her a second chance after eight years? Eight years is a good amount of time so I started thinking if I truly loved her, and yes, yes I did truly love her. Why? Well because I was willing to put up with her damn attitude and other things which had nothing to do with cheating. I was told by one of her friends that I am a heartless son-of-a-bitch, but I don’t think I’m heartless, I just truly respect myself. But do you out there think that I may lack some feelings for being so firm? I don’t, but I’m just curious. I won’t lie, it was hard for the first two months or so, but I have completely moved on.
Many I have talked to that it may be because of a culture difference which occurred between the two of us; she’s Filipina and well I’m not. I have been told by many that in their culture Filipina women run the house and treat their men like garbage and although I can’t relate to that, she did have a controlling demeanor and attitude at times – not to mention SPOILED – which led to many of our fights because I would have none of that and I would leave after her rants. I was even told by a family member of hers (male) to just give her what she wants because if she’s happy the I’M HAPPY. Are you kidding me??? I would like to have your thoughts on that. Thank you all.
Although I truly loved her with all my might, is there something wrong with the fact that I didn’t even want to talk about it? After all these years I just simply ended it and period (mainly because I saw what I needed to see and that was all I needed).
Actually she is until this day still trying to get back with me. Has tried all but I cant even touch her.
Regarding to what one mentioned, I didn’t need to know why. I was a good man and I don’t plan on changing who I am. But thanks for the honest reply.
WOW!!!!!!!!!! BEST OF LUCK TO YOU AARON.
Thank you for the honest opinion chattygirl but I was willing to put everything aside fore her. But all i asked of her was to respect me.
attitude and a cheater wow what a gem
RUMBLE!!!
Ahhhhh…. see what we seem to have here boys and girls is self respect!
Good on you for not wanting anything to do with her again!
I think that you would be better off just moving on, enjoying being single for the first time in 8 years and forget her.
maybe they were just planning a surprise birthday party
What I feel you learn most after an eight year relationship is how much someone is willing to fight to save a relationship, she obviously didn’t care enough to confide and talk to you about what was going on. And if she is a keeping an innocent “friend” relationship a secret God knows what else she’s hi dding! There is NOTHING wrong with you! Her friends and family have her back so of course you’re the bad guy in their minds, (Not fair but the way it works) Bravo for you having the balls to stand up to her! Like you said, you saw that if after eight years she wants to act like a little kid and run away from a problem instead of talking to you, that you don’t need a person like that! Congrats on your new singleness and go out and have fun! ( By the way I say all that as women)
I can’t decide who’s luckier here.
and that is why people should marry for money.
Love is a mess!
sorry trooper!
People are obviously going to have different opinions on this, but my thoughts are,
Cheating is the one thing I’d probably never forgive. However, if I’d been with someone for eight years, I’d at least try to pry the information out of them: who was the other person, how long had they been seeing each other…
I’d need peace of mind after that.
But I truly don’t think you did anything wrong.
& in my eyes, race has nothing to do with it, whatsoever.
I think that you wanted to end it, and were just waiting for the right time or the right excuse. When she went over to her ‘friend’s’ house it was the perfect time and opportunity for you to end things. I mean, if you don’t want to be with her, then there’s no problem with that, you have made your mind up and can now move on.
Wow! You did the exact same thing I would have done! Kudos to you. Filipina women are exactly as you mentioned in the demeanor area. I worked with a Filipino Man and it sounds like your describing his wife! To the T! Deep Down you may have felt it was time to let it go in a way. 8 years is a long time to be with someone, however I think you were just getting sick of being treated in ways you didn’t deserve to be treated. That alone can shut a person away or eventually become Firm. If you have moved on by now and it’s been 2 months then keep moving. The Family coming back to you and saying this and saying that, is way too much power and control for one family. It doesn’t sound like you need to deal with that…THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Could you imagine? Be free, take time for yourself and when your ready someone you DESERVE will come your way. That’s the problem with differences in culture at times, or in most women alone, all they want to do it TALK, and drag things on and this one sounds like she was draggin everyone in you and her business. DIRTY LAUNDRY LEAKS! UGH YOU DON’T NEED IT. Good Luck to you!
Intense dude. I think that perhaps you are over-reacting. I find my wife often needs comfort in other friends. Even men. It doesn’t mean she is cheating or anything. Sometimes you just have to let go of the macho pride thing and accept your not the only one in her life. She probably didnt want you too know because she knew you may react that way. Being with someone as long as you have with her forges a special relationship. Even if you do not want to have a sexual relationship i urge you not to destroy whatever you have left. One can feel numb to these things. I think you should talk to her, have a discussion, tell the truth and im sure she will return the favor. Proper communication works wonders!
She cheated on you. Once a cheater always a cheater. I would have done the exact same thing especially after eight years of dating and tolerating a nasty controlling attitude. Despite what her best friends and family say you did the right thing by moving on. She will eventually tell them all what happened and the REAL reason why you up and left.
If you can live with yourself, then you did the right thing! Sounds to me as if you have doubts about it though, since it has been several months and you are still concerned with what her/family/friends think.
By the way, the added touch of complaining about her at the end, how she is spoiled and would rant, loved the way you threw that in. Ooh, and the cultural differences that didn’t affect anything until AFTER you left her? Didn’t you say at the beginning that you were in love with her and was going to marry her but left because you think she was cheating? Umm, maybe I’m not getting it here, but what does that have to do with her being spoiled or a filipina?
Sounds like you are just wanting to make her sound like a really bad person to jjustify you making the biggest mistake of your life!
Just this woman’s opinion…..
dont pressure your self imean even if he was her secret keeper and her friend etc…. that doent give her the right to be with him all alone she at should at least put u into account what if u know i mean to meet him in a public place not in his home u did the right thing u need a woman u can u can trust to be your wife u need awife that if u look at her she pleases u and if u ask her somethin she do it for u and if u leave she keeps the door well closed got what i mean and about the control thing she’s Filipina so what their males are not men enough u r the man u should be in charge my advice my friend go and find another woman there’s so many out there &u deserve better than this so wish ya the best>>>>
Hi William,
I’m very sad to hear your story… :’c I can sense how you had loved your ex-girlfriend. However, if she cheated on you, that doesn’t always mean it is your fault. Sometimes, even if its really difficult, you have to accept that you are not meant for each other and believe me, she will not do that if she still loves you.
My boyfriend has the same story…
After a year of not having a girlfriend, and almost giving up that he will find a new girl that will make his heart pump nonstop, he found me.
You might hate me by saying that I am a Filipina also. I know this will remind you of her. However, I can assure you that race difference is not a hindrance for a couple and I can prove you that. My boyfriend is Chinese and we never had any issues in our culture differences.
Be a good guy and I’m sure time will come, you will find a right girl for you, whatever is her ethnicity.
Good luck!!! I hope this helps!
You answered your own question. Dump her!
There is NO excuse for her behavior.
I know you invested a lot of time with this girl but you need to move on.
8 years is a long time you know.. At least try and talk to her, hear her side of the story? There may be more to it… Whatever it is, just try and discuss it, because of the bond you two shared together. You even really loved her before.. After you have hear it all, then you can think carefully and finally decide whether to end it. I think you are still mad now because of her ‘cheating’. Because of that, you hate her now and all those filipina stereotype and her being spoiled with attitude come out only now. By the way i never heard of the cultural thing, i have many filipina friends and i am indonesian. Race to me doesn’t have anything to do with it here. You are just pissed off, cool down, talk and think carefully.
But if she did really cheat, then you do the right thing. I’d never forgive a cheater ever, no matter how long i was with him. But yeah in your case, a talk is what you might need.